it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
