just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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