It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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