i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
