Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
