bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
