wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
