If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
