its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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