im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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