I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's never too late to be topless.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
