Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
