ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
