Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
