Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize