I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
