I wannas sexs uuuuu
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
