So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
