So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
