Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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