We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
the liver wants what the liver wants
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
