I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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