The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
