listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
