You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
