you didnt know i had herpes?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
