i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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