i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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