i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
