I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
