Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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