I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
