im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
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she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
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Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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