News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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