Sponge bath it is.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
