Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
