I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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