Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
