You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
