i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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