if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize