Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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