i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
