Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Is it because I queefed?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
