I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Drake has all the answers
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
