So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
