everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
