So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
