I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
