We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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