I just pynch a tree in the face
I have demons in me.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
