If i come over, it means nothing
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
