My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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