Small penises have feelings too.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
