So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
