The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
