in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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