Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Farmville is her only friend.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
