new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
