I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
