I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just cropdusted the office
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize